Infrequently Answered Question #12:They say there's more than one way to skin a cat. Is there much demand for skinned cats? How many ways are there to skin them?
A: What with the anti-fur crowd and Peta these days, demand for skinned cats is at an all-time low. Which should mean a lot more cats, and there are. But only house cats as big cats, wild cats are sadly on the decline. Some house cats are skinned after they die and stuffed in the practice of taxidermy. The real question, to me anyway, is not so much how this is accomplished, but why.
Infrequently Answered Question #11: How come we say "Earth is part of THE solar system"? What about the planets orbiting other stars? Aren't they also solar systems? Aren't we terribly egocentric saying that?
A: Your question is mildly amusing, but wrong. Sure, other stars have planets orbiting them. Where you go off the beam is forgetting our star, our sun, is Sol. No other star goes by that name. Planets orbiting other stars are a planetary system just like ours, but only ours is the SOLar system. Just like no other planet is THE Earth. So, it's THE one and only solar system.
Now we do somewhat incorrectly call it THE moon as other planets have moons, too. But this is a holdover from the days before people knew there were any other moons besides THE moon. Maybe THE moon should have a proper name. Like Luna.
As to humans being egocentric... compared to what? We don't know of any other intelligent beings for comparison. If there are beings on those other planets, I'm sure they have their own name for their planetary system. They needn't defer to what we call it, and we don't have to do the reverse. After all, we saw it first. Probably.
If you still think "the solar system" is too egocentric, call it the Sunal system. You'll sound properly humble, and properly foolish as well.
Infrequently Answered Question #10: If the family breadwinner brings home the bacon, what happened to the bread and where did they get the bacon? Are they making sandwiches?
A: OK, you're having fun with me. This is two figures of speech combined as a mixed metaphor you're taking literally instead of figuratively. Something like "A blind man on horseback who doesn't know the difference can't tell the difference." How many people have seen a blind man on horseback? And anyway, such a person astride an equine might have other things to deal with other than telling a difference in whatever it is you say he can't tell a difference about. Plus, would that difference make a difference in such a case? In other words, who cares what a blind man on horseback notices, most people aren't blind, nor on horseback either.
No offense intended to blind horsemen. More power to you. I imagine as long as the horse can see, it's not a problem.
Infrequently Answered Question #9: How can I tell what is and what isn't junk food?
A: Hard to say. If you were served a small chuck steak, a dinner roll, and a salad of lettuce, tomato, onions and cucumber with thousand island dressing on a plate, that's a regular meal. But if you grind up the steak, cut the roll in half and stuff the steak and the salad inside, you essentially have a Whopper. Which is junk food. So, as far as I can figure, junk food comes in paper and regular food comes on a plate.
My follow-up question would be, what exactly is an "empty" calorie?
Infrequently Answered Question #8: Can a person really die laughing?
A: Ever heard the expression, laughing in the face of death? Don't try it. Death is pretty serious. Foks don't call him the grim reaper for nothing. People who do laugh in the face of death are often dispatched from this mortal coil posthaste. They then die from laughing. How amused they are at being dead I'll not venture to say. I will add this, I have never met a jolly ghost. Then again, I've never met a ghost of any particular disposition.
On the other hand, comedians seem to think there's a connection between laughter and death. For instance, when their act goes over they say they "killed the audience." But not literally. That wouldn't be good for business. Hard to build a fan base of the dead. Of course, when the act goes badly it's the comic who "died out there." Like they say, humor is a serious business, deadly serious apparently.
Infrequently Answered Question #7: Is it better to light a candle than curse the darkness?
A: In the darkness it is better to sleep than either of the above. Having lit candles strewn about while sleeping is a fire hazard and I recommend against this practice. There is no harm in cursing in your sleep, unless you live with easily irritated gun owners or homicidal maniacs, or worse, both.
Should you feel the need to move about at night, I suggest you "turn on a light" as the saying goes. The light control is usually found on the wall near the entrance, about 4 feet up. Find this device, generally rectangular in shape, and flip the toggle up (down in the UK) to "turn on the light." If this doesn't work, curse, and then light a candle.
Infrequently Answered Question #6: How does a tractor beam work?
A: A tractor beam converts light into gravity by creating a temporary unidirectional singularity inside a poiuyt generator lined with teflon. How is this done? Here's the formula:
To those readers who don't know calculus this will be so much gibberish. To those who know calculus... this will be so much gibberish. What's my point? There isn't one. I just want to ask science fiction movie makers, if a tractor beam is some sort of artificial gravity, why would it light up?
Infrequently Answered Question #5: What's with the legal phrase, "cease and desist?" Don't both words mean "stop"?
A: It's Legalese which, while it sounds a lot like English, isn't. That's why they say "party of the first part" instead of "first party" and things like that. Legalese is related to Adspeak, and so advertisers offer a "free gift" even though a gift by definition must be free or it wouldn't be a gift.
But I digress. The real reason is after William the Bastard Conqueror took over England in 1066, the ruling classes spoke French and everyone else spoke English. So they would use a word from each language so everyone could figure out what the law meant. At least that's what I've heard.
What I can't explain is why people want a "duplicate copy." Or why people also say things such as, "Use your PIN number at the ATM machine" even though the N in PIN is for "number" and the M in ATM is for "machine." Which means the statement with the acronyms spelled out is, "Use your personal identification number number at the automatic teller machine machine." Nor can I determine how much longer "forever and ever" is than just plain "forever."
What can I say, some people are stupid idiots.
Infrequently Answered Question #4: Why do you never hear men complain that women "always leave the toilet seat down" only the opposite?
A: Apparently men have figured out the highly technical principle of the hinged toilet seat. When it is down and you need it up you put it up and vice-versa. Whether this is due to some innate mechanical ability in men I can't say.
The obvious solution: urinals in the home. This has many advantages as anyone who has ever cleaned a bathroom can readily see. Urinals are easier to use and a lot less messy than a toilet. Plus it takes less water to flush a urinal thus delaying our water war with Canada in the years to come.
Infrequently Answered Question #3: What would happen if a car were traveling at the speed of light, and then turned on its headlights?
A: You might suppose this question might challenge even the most advanced physicist, however the answer is quite simple. A car can't travel at the speed of light.
Infrequently Answered Question #2: Is the glass half empty or half full?
A: Neither. On planet Earth, the glass would be half full of air and half full of liquid, therefor completely full. An answer which is neither optimistic nor pessimistic but scientific.
Infrequently Answered Question #1: Do we have free will or is everything predetermined?
A: We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
I once overheard a couple guys in a bookstore arguing fate vs. free will. At some point one of them says, "If it were up to me we'd have free will." All I could think was, "obviously."